PM Launches Campaign To Save Sperm Banks

The Prime Minister today launched a major campaign as a last-ditch attempt to save the UK's sperm banking industry from collapse.

'Wank for the Bank' will include media advertising, celebrity endorsements, and a commitment from MP's to play their part.

At the press conference to launch the campaign, Mr Brown said: "In the last few weeks it's been my priority to get a grip on this issue. Serious times require serious leadership, and I'm on the job."

Video endorsements were played from celebrities including one contribution from Bob Geldof, which unfortunately didn't include a single word we're able to print.

In a separate press conference later in the day the leader of the opposition backed the campaign: "It's important at times like this that the whole country comes together."

A major advertising campaign was launched across TV, radio and posters, with slogans including: 'Go On - Lend a Hand', and 'The Economy? Let's Get it Up'.

The sperm banks have also revitalised their marketing with government grants. The Midland Sperm Bank now has the slogan: "The Bank That Likes To Say YYESSSS!!"

Whether these marketing efforts and the overall campaign will make a difference, or whether the government will have to take more drastic action remains to be seen.