Economic Crisis Hits Sperm Banks

This Sperm Bank in California was forced to close after running out of deposits

The international banking crisis penetrated beyond the high street financial institutions this week and into the lesser-known world of the Sperm Banks.

Queues of women formed outside many branches in the US yesterday as news spread that liquidity was running low - let alone the banks' cash position.

One Chief Executive said he'd watched with horror over the day as his bank's stock spiralled down - and no matter what he did he just couldn't get it up. But then, it was a very stressful time for him.

It's this kind of problem that has led to the panic among depositors and borrowers alike. A spokespman for the US Federal Reserve said today that he'd tried to pump more into the sperm banks, but it just wasn't enough to satisfy demand.

Speaking to former employees outside one branch of the First Sperm Bank in California I heard that many had forecast the problems for some time. One employee told me he first predicted the crisis when he hadn't been able to get a raise for months.

This Sperm Bank in Florida has also run dry

Meanwhile Congress demanded that outgoing President Bush put a decisive end to the crisis - taunting that President Clinton could have solved it in a few hours on an average morning. Senator Andy Grip speculated that perhaps the president 'didn't have the balls'. Many will be waiting to see how president-elect Obama handles the crisis, especially after a tiring 2 years on the campaign trail.

But President Bush, in a speech to industry executives stated that the issue had reached a climax and the size of it would now recede until it was more manageable. He said that consumers had been nervous about the outcome of the erection election, but would relax now, knowing that he had it in hand.

In the Europe, the concern is that this wanking banking crisis won't be confined to the USA, and could soon lead to a slide in confidence there - although UK experts hope the FTSE can lead to a rise.